i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
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all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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