Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
