Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just google imaged poop.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
