Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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