Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
