we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
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After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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