how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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