dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
