Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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