He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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