Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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