I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize