about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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