I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
