you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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