I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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