maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
