is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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