I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
