I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
