i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
