Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
