If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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