I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
