He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
