If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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