Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The beer is more important than you right now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
