You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
