You're completely useless in the revolution.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
