If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
