party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
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god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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