my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
