dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
