He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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