fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
