A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
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She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
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There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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