you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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