just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
