Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
