I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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