She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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