I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
