pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
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