I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
