omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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