I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I intend to get homeless drunk
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
