I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
