How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
