He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
