Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
