And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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