I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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