I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
