Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
