So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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