I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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