I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
