K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
