he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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